


Bucket List

by Eikaron



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Humour, M/M, Silly, post-Nopocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 07:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12907536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eikaron/pseuds/Eikaron
Summary: So what do you do if the world hasn't ended?





	1. Bucket List

Twenty-two days and seven and a half hours after the Nopocalypse Crowley woke up in his bed, with a plan in mind. It was a perfect plan. A Plan, in fact.

He spent the next two hours compiling a list.

 

~~*~~

 

Twenty-two days, nine hours and forty-five minutes after the Nopocalypse Aziraphale was sitting at the counter in his bookshop and feeling vaguely unhappy. He missed his collection. It wasn't that he didn't like the books Adam had picked out for him – they _were_ all first editions after all – but the initial elation had worn off somewhat. Life did this to you.

It was amazing how boring it all was, boring and...and _mundane_ , he thought. Like nothing had ever happened at all. People were still bustling on the streets. Whales were still dying. Sushi restaurants were still in existence 1 .

The doorbell ringing in his ears brutally separated Aziraphale from his quiet musings, which was remarkable, seeing as said doorbell had been broken until a moment ago.

Looking up, he wasn't surprised to see Crowley storming in.

„Angel!“

„Why hello, Crowley. What brings you here?”

Crowley strode through the door and up to the dusty counter, where he pulled a scroll out of his coat pocket that, to the casual observer, looked positively ancient. Aziraphale, however, was _not_ a casual observer and so he scoffed at it, immediately recognising new paper made to _look_ like old paper. Another annoying trend Crowley had started. 2 „This“, said Crowley, towering over the angel with a mad gleam in his eyes and slapped it on the wooden counter top. „Take a look.“

Shooting Crowley a questioning look Aziraphale leaned forward to look at the paper. It was a list.

„Eat sushi in Japan. Go to the Carnival in Rio de Janeiro“, he read. „Scuba diving somewhere cool. Flying race through the Grand Canyon. Crowley what the He-..what is this?“

„It's a bucket list“, said Crowley as if that explained everything. It didn't.

The angel frowned. „What's a bucket list?“, he asked.

„It's a list of things you want to do before you 'kick the bucket' “, said Crowley, making air quotes, and looking expectantly at Aziraphale who stared back blankly.

„Crowley, we're _immortal“,_ he said. The demon resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

„Your point being? Angel, we narrowly avoided the Apocalypse three weeks ago. Above and Below might be licking their wounds at the moment but you don't think they'll give up, do you?“

Aziraphale sighed.

„No“, he said and leaned back in his chair with an air of resignation. „I suppose not.“

„Exactly!“, said Crowley. „And who knows how long we've got this time. So-“ Crowley stopped dead mid-sentence and gaped at Aziraphale, having only now taken notice of the other's clothes. „Angel, are you wearing _jeans_?!“ He pushed his sunglasses up to get a better look. Aziraphale blushed.

„I'm afraid I am. What do you think?“

„But you _never_ wear jeans!“, Crowley blurted out.

„Correction, my dear. I've never worn jeans. Until now, that is", said Aziraphale, who was still blushing. Crowley merely stared at him. The jeans did look good but that wasn't even the most amazing part. They were actually fashionable. They looked as if they were from this century _._ This decade, even. Actually, they looked as if they were from this _year._ In fact they were from the Fall collection of the outrageously expensive brand Crowley had launched last year.

„I just thought“, Aziraphale babbled on. „Well. You know. With the apocalypse that didn't happen and everything. It's like you said, who knows how long we've got until the next one? So I thought I might as well try jeans.“

Crowley blinked.

„Um“, he said. „Right. Yeah.“ He didn't put his sunglasses back on. Aziraphale was even wearing a nice shirt. No tartan to be seen anywhere 3. Truly, the world was coming to an end.

The thought snapped him back to the actual reason for this visit.

„Right!“, he said. „Who knows how long we've got. That's exactly it, angel.“ He jabbed a long index finger on the list between them. „We should make the most of it.“

„And how do you propose we do that? With this 'bucket list' of yours?“ Aziraphale took another look. 'Get really drunk on:' it said. A list of alcoholic beverages followed. It was a very long list. Some items on it sounded downright demonic.

„Yep“, said Crowley and grinned.

„Do I get to add items too, my dear?“ Aziraphale raised his eyebrows questioningly.

„Of course“, said Crowley and Aziraphale beamed. „But no books“, he added quickly and the angel's divine glow immediately dropped several notches.

„Fine“, he grumbled. „But I get to pick the first destination.“

Maybe he'd just make his own bucket list.

 

* * *

 

1 Aziraphale had eaten sushi almost every day for the past two weeks, just because he could.

2 It didn't look half bad but they would never get the smell right. For some things you just needed several centuries of collecting dust somewhere.

3 Although in all fairness, this was because he couldn't see Aziraphale's belt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started out as a stand-alone but now I want to write some of those bucket list items xD. I don't know yet how many there will be.


	2. Drawing the line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley's Bucket List #1: Eating sushi in Japan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Includes tattoos, chopsticks and nostalgic moments)

“So. Where to next, angel?”, asked Crowley, slurping noodles and beef broth from the huge bowl in front of him. After over a month he'd gotten quite sick of sushi. 

“I don't know”, answered Aziraphale, fumbling around on his plate. Unlike Crowley, who could eat gracefully and efficiently with just about anything, the angel had never entirely gotten the hang of chopsticks, but what he lacked in dexterity he made up for in determination.

They were both speaking Japanese. After spending so many millennia on Earth with humans – who for large parts of their history had killed other humans for being the wrong colour, wearing the wrong clothes, believing in the wrong god or speaking the wrong language to only name a few – the two of them had long since established a firm habit of switching to the local tongue of wherever they happened to be at the moment 1 .

“We've been to 26 different onsen2 . A week of nothing but shrines and temples. Hiking in Hokkaido.”, recounted Aziraphale.

“Osaka. _Nagasaki_ ” continued Crowley and managed not to sneer too much. Both of those had been nostalgic visits for the angel, who had lived in Nagasaki during his time as a missionary and had been there during the construction of Osaka castle. Not necessarily something to sneer at, but after his trip down memory lane Aziraphale had somehow managed to persuade Crowley to take a calligraphy class with him. After this initial success he'd then attempted to talk the demon into taking several other courses they were offering as well, but Crowley had drawn the line at ikebana 3 .

“And after you've dragged me through Ginza, Roppongi, Shibuya, Shimokita and Shinjuku*”, Aziraphale followed up and counted them off on his fingers. “I think we can cross Tokyo off the list too.”

“Mfff”, made Crowley, supposedly in the affirmative, but with his mouth full of egg and Kobe beef it was hard to tell. He swallowed. “Tell you what”, he said, waving a chopstick. “Japan has too much bloody culture. Let's go somewhere less civilised.”

“Like what?”

“Like, like...” Crowley wrecked his brain, trying to come up with places lacking civilisation that were also not currently war torn hell holes. “Like Iowa”, he finished lamely. 

“My dear, I think we can do better than _that_ ”, said Aziraphale slightly aghast. Crowley had to agree. Silence fell again, broken only by the sounds of two man-shaped beings eating ramen.

“Still, the States doesn't sound too bad”, said the angel, after pondering the idea for a while. “Didn't you put the Grand Canyon on the list?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

1 After one week of feeling like it was Babel all over again, the natives had finally started to understand Aziraphale. It had then taken _another_ week until their faces had stopped twitching in their obvious efforts not to be rude and burst into laughter at his odd way of speaking. While Crowley had been to Japan in the 1980s and only needed to brush up on his slang, the angel's last visit had been as a Portuguese missionary in the late 16th century and it had taken him a while to catch up linguistically. 

2 Originally, their goal had been to “visit every single onsen in Beppu” but when there turned out to be several thousand, they had mutually decided to cut that item short. Even Crowley who, due to his serpentine nature, positively relished a nice long soak in hot water had gotten bored after a dozen or so.

3 Instead, he had gotten extremely drunk and woken up with a purple pufferfish tattooed on his chest the next day. It was badly drawn, but he had chosen to keep it for now - If only as a reminder of the proverbial notch in his bedpost of hell-bound souls. It was a very big notch.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Shibuya, Shinjuku, Shimokita, Roppongi and Ginza are districts/quarters in Tokyo famous for nightlife and entertainment and you can bet Crowley insisted on Nichō :P


	3. Because

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley's Bucket List #34: Have a midnight flying race through the Grand Canyon

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”, asked Aziraphale nervously.

“Please, angel. What could possibly go wrong? All you have to do is open your wings in time”, said Crowley and before the angel could tell him _exactly_ what could go wrong 1 , vanished their clothes with a snap of his fingers. 2

The two of them were standing on a huge, u-shaped glass platform protruding into what was commonly known as the Grand Canyon. Only hours before the platform had been crawling with tourists but now – at midnight and new moon – their only company were the billions of stars sparkling in the pitch black sky above them; illuminating what was in Aziraphale's opinion one of the masterpieces of divine creation. Even Crowley had had to admit that a name like “Grand Canyon” did not quite cut it. It was truly a magnificent place and they would get to see all of it.

There was a whooshing sound when an enormous pair of soft, feathery wings spread out behind Crowley and then another, as Aziraphale followed his lead. They took up position on the high railing designed to keep careless tourists from plunging to their death; balancing precariously or, in Aziraphale's case, by miracle.

The angel peered over the edge. Some distance away the Colorado River glittered invitingly.

“Why do we have to be naked again?”, he asked. He'd still not quite understood this point.

“Because”, said Crowley and Aziraphale sighed.

“Ready?”, asked the demon.

“Ready”, said his companion.

“On count of three then”, said Crowley. “Actual three”, he added, in order to clarify. 3

The angel nodded and clasped Crowley's hand.

“One”, he began counting.

“Two”, followed Crowley. They folded their wings.

And with a raucous “THREE!” they let themselves fall forward, dropping head first into the cool night air like two large, winged and vaguely human-shaped stones. There were whooping sounds.

 

 

* * *

 

1 It was a long list and involved several unpleasant ways of inconvenient discorporation.

2 The finger snapping wasn't strictly necessary, but it added a dramatic flair. Crowley had always liked a dramatic flair.

3 Being a demon, his usual modus operandi was to cheat, i.e. to count “One...three!”, a fact of which Aziraphale was of course well aware.

 


	4. Told you so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale's Bucket List #4: Settling the 'do gorillas build nests' question once and for all, I know I'm right

 

"Crowley!", hissed Aziraphale. "Crowley, look!" He enthusiastically poked the large black snake wrapped around the branch he was perching on.

"Hnffss", made the snake and lazily opened its eyes. "Whasss the matter angel? I was having a wonderful dream. It involved Hastur and Ligur and a pool of holy-"

"Look! They're here!", interrupted him Aziraphale, pointing excitedly to a particularly big and gnarly tree a dozen meters ahead of them and nearly falling off their own. "The gorillas are here!"

That did get Crowley's attention at last.

"What? Where?", he asked. Aziraphale shushed him. Completely unnecessary, if you asked Crowley. Animals were never disturbed by an angel's presence and he had concealed his by turning into a form native to the forest. But that was angels for you.

Crowley followed Aziraphale's line of sight. It took him a few seconds to adjust to the light but then he, too, spotted the big silverback the angel had seen, soon followed by the rest of his troop.

The watched silently.

After a few minutes, Aziraphale turned to Crowley and said triumphantly: "See? Nests. "

"You don't have to look so smug, angel ", grumbled Crowley. "Those are monkeys! Monkeys building nests, I mean who came up with that!"

"Apes", corrected him Aziraphale.

"What?"

"Gorillas are apes, not monkeys. It's quite an important distinction", explained the angel.

"Same differenccce", hissed Crowley and tried to roll his eyes, a task snakes were not very well suited to. Nevertheless, he managed to get the point across by means of an annoyed head twist.

"Anyway, they build nests", said Aziraphale, sensing there was little point in starting an argument about proper primate terminology. "I get to pick the next destination."

"Fine.", said Crowley. "As long as you pick something with alcohol. "


	5. I brought proper knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale's Bucket List #24: Participate in the Potirothon of Gentilly (and win)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have posted this on Halloween but I just got too excited about it. It's set directly after the last chapter ( "Told you so") x3

* * *

"I thought I told you to pick something with alcohol", said Crowley and looked suspiciously at the two humungous pumpkins in front of him. For some reason they were lying on a riverbank. To their left and right a number of other people were either gathered around their own giant pumpkins or bustling about, busy with G- Someone knew what. In either case they were talking animatedly in fast _qu_ _éb_ _écois_. Crowley hated _québécois_.

Aziraphale showed a calculating little smile and held out a hip flask.

"Are you kidd – that does _not_ count, angel!", spat Crowley and glared at it, although he thought the engraved snake was a nice touch.

"It's your favourite brandy", said Aziraphale, a guilty look on his face.

"What's all this anyway", grumbled Crowley and vaguely indicated the commotion around them before snatching the flask from Aziraphale's hands. He unscrewed the top and gave it a casual sniff. Not bad.  

 "This, my dear", declared Aziraphale and made a dramatic one-armed sweeping gesture, "is the famous _Potirothon of Gentilly!_ "

This did not have the desired effect.

"Never heard of it", said Crowley and tried the brandy. "What the eff is a Potirothon?" He suspected it to have something to do with pumpkins, but that one was easy to guess seeing as they were surrounded by the blasted things.

"It's a portmanteau of 'potiron' and 'marathon' ", Aziraphale explained smugly. "In other words: It's a pumpkin race."

 Crowley nearly spit out his brandy.

"It's simple, really", continued the angel jovially. "You grow a giant pumpkin, you hollow it out and _voil_ _á_!" – he made another dramatic sweeping gesture – "Now you have a canoe. Canoes. Race." He beamed at Crowley and then surveilled the racing grounds or, more accurately, wets with the expert eyes of someone who has no idea what to look for in a racing wet.

 "A race. In canoes made from hollowed-out pumpkins", repeated Crowley disbelievingly, just in case he'd misunderstood. He had the terrible feeling he hadn't. 1

"Yes!", said Aziraphale cheerfully.

"No."

Crowley took a look at the pumpkin before him. He remembered the assortment of odd tools his companion had brought with him and another dreadful suspicion snuck up on him.

"Hang on – you don't expect me to carve this thing out _by hand_ , do you?", he said aghast, when the penny dropped.

Aziraphale scoffed at this.

"Of course not!", he replied and Crowley was about to let out a sigh of relief, when the angel followed it up with: "I brought proper knives."

Crowley knocked back the contents of the entire flask.

  

####

 

"You cheated!", Aziraphale accused him. 

"Did not", said Crowley smugly and polished the little gold trophy with his sleeve. 2 They didn't usually hand out trophies like these at the _Potirothon_ but Crowley naturally assumed he would get one whenever he won a competition. It had a little pumpkin on top.

"You poked a hole in my pumpkin!"

"Or maybe _my_ pumpkin was simply better than yours. You know I have a way with plants."

"That is not how – holes in my pumpkin canoe have nothing to do with 'having a way with plants', Crowley!"

"Clearly you know nothing about pumpkins, angel. You should stick with your books."

 

 

* * *

 

1 Though it at least explained the paddles. Crowley had wondered about those.

2 It still had bits of pumpkin on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the pumpkin race is an actual thing. I just found out about it today because a friend sent me the tumblr link and immediately knew this was going to be Crowley & Aziraphale's next stop xD
> 
> https://pilferingapples.tumblr.com/post/179136383687/acoffeefraud-today-i-learned-that-theres-a
> 
> https://potirothon.wordpress.com


	6. Look at the face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not On Either One's Bucket List, Aziraphale Just Thought It Sounded Interesting #1: Going to the Gods in Color exhibition

"Lovely, isn't it?", said Aziraphale brightly. The two of them were currently strolling casually through the Munich Glyptotheque's new 'Gods in Colors' exhibition. "How wonderful that they have rediscovered the colours! Truth to be told I've always been a bit annoyed by all the white marble… I always thought I should just go and point it out to someone, 'Look here, chaps, this is not how those statues looked at all' but I never got around to it, you know how it is."

"Tell me about it", said Crowley, before the angel could ramble on. "You do realise they've known about the colours for ages though?"

"But… if they knew about them then why wouldn't they restore them, my dear?", asked Aziraphale and sent him a puzzled look.

Crowley shrugged.

"Didn't fit their white suprmacsssist world view I suppose", he ventured cynically.

"That was nasty."

"Need I remind you of all the missing noses?", said Crowley, raising his eyebrows.

Aziraphale conceded the point, then got distracted by a particularly fine figurine of an archer. It looked startlingly accurate, which meant that it was positively garish by modern standards.

"Hang on, that archer statue seems familiar", said the angel excitedly and scuttled off. "I think I've seen this one before. Oh, where was it…" Aziraphale bent down to examine the sign beneath it. _"The archer 'Paris' from the West Pediment of Aphaia Temple in Aigina, ca. 480 BC_ ", he read. "Huh. Could have sworn it was in Thebes. Have we even been to Aigina?", he asked, turning to Crowley who had followed him.

Crowley furrowed his brows as he attempted to stitch together the shambles of his vague recollection of Mediterranean geography.

"Dunno. I don't think I was, but I can't be sure… Weren't we at war back then?"

"I think you might be right", said Aziraphale. "I'm sure there was a Naval battle at some point. Err, do you remember who we were up against?"

"Beats me", said Crowley. "Too bloody many of them."

"What, battles or enemies?"

"Both", said Crowley darkly.

Aziraphale gave a little sigh.

"I agree. Anyway: The point is, my dear: I remember this archer and the colours seem about right to me. It looks absolutely lovely."

"Yeah", agreed Crowley absentmindedly, his attention already wandering elsewhere. The gloomy expression on his face brightened up considerably when he spotted the armless statue of a young man at the other end of the room.

"Check this out, angel!", he said excitedly and crossed the room the room in several big strides, dragging the unsuspecting angel along. "I _definitely_ know this one!", he said and gestured at the statue with a broad grin.

Aziraphale inspected it but couldn't find anything unusual about it. He raised a questioning eyebrow at Crowley.

"Oh, for G-, for Sa-, for Someone's sake, angel! Look at the _face_!"

Aziraphale did and – after another minute of scrutiny – recognised it.  
  
"Oh my!", he exclaimed. "It's you, isn't it? Gosh, I never knew you'd posed for a statue!"  
  
"There's a lot you don't know about me, angel 1. This statue is the least of it. Statue _s_ , actually", said Crowley smugly. "Plural. Didn't think I'd ever see one of them again." He admired the figurine's perfect painted plaster pecs and then scowled. "They got the colours wrong, though", he remarked pedantically. "I'm sure my skirt was more of a mauve, not this weird shade of lavender. And my sssskin was most definitely darker. I think someone needs to have A Word with the restorers."

Aziraphale constrained himself to an agreeable hum. He had only the faintest idea of what either colour was supposed to look like and, in all honesty, couldn't recall the exact shade of brown Crowley's skin had had at the time at any rate.

 

* * *

 

1 This was – to put it charitably – blatantly untrue unless you defined 'a lot' as 'an amount so small that compared to the things the angel _did_ know about Crowley it was like a dust particle in a desert: technically there but in the grand scheme of things practically non-existent'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Gods I was trying to come up with another chapter for Christmas... and then I realised that I had not even posted the last one I wrote for some reason! Probably because I was saving it for Christmas and then forgot about it. Is that good luck for me now or a terrible oversight?! Anyway, the ancient Romans and Greeks really did paint their statues and the "Gods in Color" exhibition is a real thing too: http://buntegoetter.liebieghaus.de/en. I saw it and figured it's something Aziraphale would have an interest in :D (I'd quite like to go myself sometime!). And I swear that one of these days I will take the time and link all those blasted footnotes. [ETA: Can't believe I actually did. It was a lot of work. The GO fandom has way too many footnotes x.x]


	7. Guten Rutsch!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley's Bucket List #37: Go to one of those fancy waterparks and see what all the fuss is about

"My turn", said Crowley, with an expression that could only be described as 'malicious glee'.

"Very well. Go on then", said Aziraphale.

Crowley reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a colourful leaflet titled _World's Best Waterslides_ , which he handed to Aziraphale with a flourish. The angel flicked through it and slightly paled.

"We don't have to do all of them", said Crowley, trying to sound reassuring and failing spectacularly, "I've narrowed it down to five I absolutely want to go to."

"I'd rather not, my dear", pleaded Aziraphale, although he knew it would be futile. The smirk and "too bad" he got in reply were all too predictable.

"We'll start with the _Super S Slide_ ", decided Crowley and jabbed a finger at the respective line in the brochure. "The one in South Korea."  

Aziraphale resigned himself to his fate with a heavy sigh.

"If we must", he acquiesced. "I'll book the flights then, shall I?"

"You do that. Oh, and angel?", said Crowley innocently. 

"Yes, Crowley?"

"Swimwear must be no older than ten years."

 

#

 

"Whooop-eee!", exclaimed Aziraphale, scrambling out of the pool on wobbly but excited legs. He wiped a few drenched (and thoroughly mussed) curls out of his face. "Whew. I must say, I didn't think it would be this much fun!", he said, "Let's do it again, shall we?" 

Still beaming, he turned back to Crowley, who was faintly green in the face and had only just clambered out of the inflatable ring they had ridden in.

"I think I'll pass", said Crowley, "I'm currently questioning my life choices."

"We're still going to that Cobra one in Turkey though, aren't we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Western New Year to everyone! 
> 
> If you are not a German speaker, let me explain this chapter's title to you: Where I live we wish each other "Einen guten Rutsch [ins neue Jahr]!" which literally translates to "A good slide [into the new year]!". The exact etymology is debatable but from what a cursory google search tells me the most likely candidates are misunderstood Yiddish ("a git Rosch") or the fact that around 1900ish the verb "rutschen" (slide) also used to mean travel, apparently. Or maybe it's meant figuratively, who knows. In any case: No actual sliding is involved except if you are called Aziraphale & Crowley and go on waterslides. I actually wrote this bit a while ago with no thought to New Year's Eve at all and only just realised that now would be the perfect time to post it because accidental pun! Accidental puns are the best! Let's start the new year with a new item on our favourite supernatural beings' bucket list. A Good Omen for 2019, if you will ;-) (ba-dum tss).


	8. Pyramid Scheme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley's Bucket List #128: Convince Aziraphale to break the law and climb on top of the Great Pyramid. (Bonus points if I can get him to do it naked and put it on Instagram).

 "We really shouldn't be doing this", said Aziraphale nervously, although he kept climbing after Crowley. "It's illegal."

 The demon snorted. He clambered up the last bit, then stood up and extended a hand to a grateful Aziraphale.

 "Angel, we were literally here when this thing was built", said Crowley, as he was pulling him up, "If anybody's got a right to climb on top of it it's us."

"Still", insisted the angel, "One ought to respect authorities."

"Provided they are respectable", said Crowley.

This was a statement Aziraphale could not argue against and so he didn't. Instead he used a hand to shield his eyes from the blazing sun so he could have a look around and take in the spectacular view with obvious delight.

"Not bad, is it", said Crowley smugly.

"It's quite a good vantage point, I give you that", Aziraphale concurred, "And as much as it pains me to admit it: You were right about the climbing. One does appreciate the view much more if one has to work for it."

The demon had insisted on them going to the top of the Cheops Pyramid the human way, i.e. by climbing1 rather than flying straight to the top.

"Yeah", agreed Crowley. "Oi, you reckon we should hop over to the other ones? Get on top of each of them?"

"I do hope you mean by wing", said Aziraphale, a slight hint of dread creeping into his voice. Despite the relative ease with which they had scaled the pyramid, once had been enough thank you very much. Crowley snickered.

"Yes, angel, by wing. I don't fancy climbing up another one either", he said.

"Then I shall gladly accompany you, my dear", said Aziraphale.

The angel's initial agitation had markedly declined, seeing as the guards had still not spotted them yet (and never would, no matter Crowley's antics). The pyramids, too, did not seem in any danger of toppling over the moment anyone set foot on them and Aziraphale had relaxed considerably, feeling quite silly about his initial worries now.  

They two of them ambled around the uppermost platform for a bit longer, enjoying the view, until Crowley eventually got bored. He vanished his shirt with a thought and lazily unfolded his wings. Aziraphale did the same (although he meticulously folded his shirt and carried it) and they were about to take off for the Khafre Pyramid, when Crowley suddenly stopped and raised a halting hand. He folded his wings back into their higher sphere, then stepped perilously close to the edge of the pyramid's top until the tips of his snakeskin shoes were protruding over it. His shirt reappeared. Grinning manically, Crowley spread his arms in a dramatic fashion, took a deep breath and hollered:

"I'm the king of the world!" 

He laughed and turned expectantly to Aziraphale, but the angel merely looked bewildered.

"What was that all about?", he asked; wondering if Crowley had perhaps suffered a heatstroke. It would not have been the first time.

"Oh, for the love of… It was a movie quote, angel!", said Crowley and rolled his eyes. "Have you never seen _Titanic_ , for crying out loud?", he asked.

This appeared to baffle the angel even more.

"Of course I have, dear", he said slowly, "As have you. We were on it when it went down, don't you remember? You gave up your s-"

"Not the real one, you idiot! The film! It's a classic!", hissed Crowley, interrupting him.

"Gosh, really? I've never heard of it." 

"You really need to get out more, angel"

"Was it any good?", asked the angel.

"It was a masterpiece of cinematic kitsch", Crowley told Aziraphale, "You'll love it." 

"Huh", said Aziraphale contemplatively. "Well, remind me of it when we get back to London, will you?"

"Sure", said Crowley, who was positive they both would have forgotten this exchange by tomorrow. 2

Aziraphale regarded the Khafre Pyramid in the distance.

"Anyway", he said. "Want to go on to the next one?"

"Yeah- no, hang on", said Crowley and pulled out his iPhone. "I want to take a picture3 first!"

Aziraphale sighed internally, put his own shirt back on and then waited patiently while the demon walked around on the small plateau trying to find the perfect spot for a photo.

 

#

 

"Just pick a spot already", said Aziraphale, whose patience was starting to wear fairly thin. He wished he had brought a book.

"Just a moment", replied Crowley distractedly.

"You said that fifteen moments ago."

"Well, it's sunset. It's bloody difficult to find the best lighting _and_ get the other pyramids in the background", grumbled Crowley.

"We could take a picture with the city in the background", suggested Aziraphale, taking another look. "Gosh, it has really gotten big, hasn't it?" 

"Mhm", said Crowley, who was clearly not even listening, " Look, I just want to get a good photo of us on this pyramid, angel, alright? I helped build it!" 

" _You_ incited a slave revolt", said Aziraphale acerbically, "How was that helping?" 

"Improved living conditions for the workers, therefore fewer deaths", said Crowley smoothly. He had been prepared for the question. "No workers, no pyramid. More workers, more pyramid. QED."

He kept trying out different angles while Aziraphale was busy attempting to find the flaw in this logic; visibly brightening up a few seconds later, when he finally found the Perfect Spot 4 . Crowley motioned for Aziraphale to come over and sat down cross-legged on a corner, where the sunset was colouring the stones a beautiful orange-red.

The angel joined him with a relieved sigh, both of them automatically slinging their arms around each other's shoulder for support and Crowley held out his arm in the cramped, stretched and universally uncomfortable position of selfie-takers all over the world. He grinned into the camera. Aziraphale smiled. Two pyramids were glowing red in the very last rays of sunlight.

Snap.

 

* * *

 

1 By a very loose definition of 'climbing', which involved a general upward movement and a distinct lack of sweat, dirt or getting out of breath. Both Crowley and Aziraphale liked doing things the human way occasionally, but they both also agreed that one should not overdo it unless strictly necessary, i.e. for the purpose of blending in. Since there was no one around to blend in with, they had gladly forgotten to include the slightly messier parts of climbing up a pyramid.

2 He was right. Aziraphale did not watch _Titanic_ until May 21 st, 2021.

3 The demon had recently taken to digital cameras – claiming that the possibility to easily take a sheer endless number of photos bred Vanity in humans and was therefore to be encouraged – and had started to take pictures of them on his phone wherever they went. Aziraphale suspected he really just liked taking pictures of them together.

4 It should not have been the perfect spot, but even the patience of an angel was finite and so Crowley's phone wisely decided to take a perfect picture anyway.


End file.
